Self Help

The End or the Beginning?

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“Every Beginning has an end, every end had a beginning.” 

It’s a funny quote that can lead to some deep thought if you let it.  It’s sad sometimes when things come to an end.  There are a lot of things we don’t like to see end, yet everything in life has a beginning and an end.

When relationships end it can be a sad event.  You don’t really want them to, but things just start to drift apart.  Sometimes you can stop the drifting and sometimes you can’t.  I’ve been in relationships like that where things just changed and it was time for the relationship to change too.  On a few of those occasions I was fortunate enough to see the relationship evolve and become a lasting friendship, in other cases it was simply time to say goodbye.

How we respond to the changes in life can help define who we become.  After all, if there is one thing that is constant and certain in life it is the fact that life will change.  We will lose people, animals, friends, family, in our lives.  They will leave, move, die, or just choose not to be a part of our lives anymore.  It’s just the way things go. 

We have a choice how we will respond to these changes.  We can hold on for dear life and choke any chance for reconciliation or healing out of existence.  Or we can learn to truly love with an open hand and realize that love, friendship, all relationships (other than those of parent and child) are a choice.  Actually, in some ways I suppose the parent and child relationship is a choice too. 

Keeping in mind that the people in your life are there because they CHOOSE to be there can lend a different perspective.  Realizing that it’s a choice that they are there can make a you appreciate the other person more, treasure and make the most of your time you do have together instead of wondering why the person falls short of all the expectations  put on them. Take a moment to appreciate that they are there because they care and they want to be there, and maybe a different approach is what is needed if there is stress in the relationship.  Take a break.

This is life, there are no dress rehearsals, no redo’s, no rewind or erasing moments that suck.  You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.  BUT…isn’t it nice, we have a choice, we can get up in the morning and change our attitude to thinking that each day, is a new beginning and then make it happen.

Tomorrow, will be the start of something new.

Cherry Coley (c) 

 

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Let’s Do This!

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startThose who really want to accomplish something will find a way; those who are not committed will find an excuse.

When you make excuses about why things didn’t get done, or create obstacles to use as an excuse to give up on that project, diet, or exercise routine the only person you are really hurting is yourself, right?  Wrong.  Like it or not we are all part of a community of sorts.  We each have friends, co-workers, and family members in our lives that pay attention to our choices and decisions.  What you do and don’t do, affects the people around you.

 Someone who make excuses about meeting deadlines, or personal goals rarely exceeds anywhere else.  I know for me I have to be careful because the excuses try to slip in there unnoticed when I least expect it.  “I can’t go jogging tonight, it got dark outside too quick,” or “I wound up running errands for other people the last few days and it threw me off my whole routine.”

 Life happens, accidents, incidents, whatever might come up can either be worked in, worked around, or incorporated into daily routines if you are really committed to a positive goal.

 Let’s make 2013 a year when we reach our goals.  Let’s make it a year of encouragement for the people around us, the year to do random acts of kindness and start something good. 

 I am determined to do some charity walks this year so I have started training to be able to reach those goals.  It’s something I used to do quite often, but it’s been awhile.  I look forward to doing my part, to giving back, to raising money for good causes and most of all, I look forward to crossing the finish line and knowing I stuck in there and made it! 

 2013 is going to be a great year!  Let’s do this!

 Cherry Coley ©

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Begin with the End in Mind

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When you focus on the big picture or the end result, then it is easier to figure out how to get where you’re going.  This is not how I was taught to do things.  I was taught to make a daily to do list, set some goals both small and large to work towards, then go for it. 

To go towards a mark in the manner I was taught is challenging and requires an enormous amount of self control, not to mention it means to allow yourself to get distracted or even slightly off track can throw major kinks in the plan, leading to discouragement, disappointment and even make you want to just quit at times. 

To keep your eyes on the big picture, to focus on the end result means that your plans, your goals, your to do list become much more flexible and easier to work with.

In this life we are always free to choose our own paths, what we have no control over are the consequences and circumstances that come with them.  Yet if we are focusing on the end result then it doesn’t become a major disaster when things mess up because we are still focused on where we want to be instead of where we are at the moment.

The easiest way to keep the end result in mind is to create a sort of mission statement, something personal that fits you and where you want to be.  A personal mission statement is like a tree, planted and growing, putting down deep roots and continually reaching to be more. 

Seek out who you are, your talents, your hopes, your dreams, and don’t worry if you are older or restarting life after a big change, acquaint yourself with the person you are inside.  As we get older, we learn, we acquire new skills, new interests, all of which you can make part of your big picture or mission statement that you will focus on. 

What I have learned is that time can be a great intimidation.  There’s no such thing as a late bloomer, we all go at our own pace.  There’s no one keeping score or pointing fingers, no one knows your goals and dreams unless you choose to share them with someone else.  Everyone else is just a bystander.

So take the time to seek out your own interests, there are no wrong answers, just different choices to make.  Figure out your dream, where you want to be as the end result, then set out on a journey to get there.  Each step of the way, be it big or small is better than sitting, wondering, and doing nothing at all. 

Cherry Coley ©

 

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Sliding Goals, Vision Boards, and Keeping Focus

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Well, that didn’t work.  Entering into the new year meant that I reinstalled some good habits to help reach my goals, said goodbye to some old habits that weren’t really serving me well anymore, and replaced those old and bad habits with new one’s that would help me get where I wanted to go.

This method of replacing the old and bad habits works really well since it’s a thousand times harder to just stop doing something than it is to replace the bad habits with something else.  However, in the last few months I have found something interesting along the way, at least as far as I’m concerned.

 I have discovered that if I don’t keep up the good habits that I replaced the bad habits with, I will fall right back into the bad habits!!  What the heck!  I seriously thought it would be harder to fall back than that, however, it makes sense since I was living with the bad habits far longer than the good ones.  

 For instance, I took up journaling every single day, it helps me keep the creative thought flow coming easily and to stay on track in a lot of other areas in my life.  However, if I go a few days without journaling I find that I am not as creative in some ways, not as social, and more likely to slide on other good habits I installed as well.  What a useful, but kind of disturbing discovery! 

 If I slide on diet and eat out more, then I don’t feel as well, so I tend to not exercise as much which leads to not sleeping as well and it’s a real domino effect all the way around.  If I slide on unpacking and organizing, then I slow down in other areas, start finding myself distracted and don’t get near all the things done that I should have.

 I am a real promoter of vision boards, goal setting – both long and short-term, to do lists, and learning to celebrate the accomplishments and milestones along the way, but even people of this same mindset stumble now and then.  There was a time in my life when I would have beat myself up for getting off kilter, but encouragement and inspiration goes so much further than making myself feel guilty or feel like I failed in some way.  We are all human, and all it takes is figuring out where we are right at this moment, making a few minor adjustments and then getting back on track – no guilt required. 

 Cherry Coley ©

 

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 http://blog.modernest.com/2012/04/08/vision-boards-intentions-and-walking-on-fire/

http://thinkcoffeemedia.com/2012/04/15/10-tips-for-a-great-life/

 

Positive Thinking and The Law of Attraction

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After reading many different articles about balancing life, how to “be happy,” and articles of making the most of things, I have to say that I firmly believe that all of us, whether we claim to be some sort of expert or not, are simply winging it and figuring out things that work for us. 

 There, I said it!  We are all virtually in the same boat, though some of us sound like we know what we are doing more than others obviously; we are all still struggling with different variations of the same issues along the way. 

 Chances are that perfect psychologist and counselor still has parenting issues, they get all unorganized and thrown off guard by circumstances now and then, just like the rest of us, but they’ve conditioned themselves to hide things better, hold it together, fake it until they make it, and so on.

 Maybe I’m an odd person, but as far as I’m concerned it helps me to know that others are struggling with the same things I am.  It is a great reminder that we are all human and all here to help each other along the way.  When someone falls down in front of you, do you just step over them and keep walking?  Hopefully, you stop and lend a hand if needed, after all that could be you that just fell.

 Most people know I am a believer in positive thinking and good attitudes.  I believe the Law of Attraction to be true too.  I don’t believe there are any magic, get rich schemes that work, but I do believe you reap what you sow, get what you give, and that is exactly what the Law of Attraction is.  If you walk around complaining all the time and focusing on all the things you don’t like, don’t want, don’t have, then you will get more of the same.  Say what?  Yes, this is true!  You, by focusing all your attention on the things you don’t want in your life, are bringing more of the exact same things into your life.  You reap what you sow and if all you sow, plant, speak of, are the things that make you unhappy, then you are going to get more of what you are focusing on.  It’s a simple concept really and is quoted all through the Bible, presented in various religious beliefs, philosophy, parables, and stories throughout history and current day. 

 My grandmother used to say, “You can’t grow an oak tree by planting a rock.”  Well, you can’t get much clearer than that!

 So how do you change the cycle and start down a better path?  Start with small, achievable daily goals.  Make a point to find things that interest you and that you enjoy doing.  Surround yourself with people who will build you up, encourage you along the way, and preferably give you not just positive feedback, but also honest feedback.  Sometimes honesty hurts, but we need to gain that different perspective in order to really see where we are so we can move forward.

 Find things that won’t just temporarily motivate you, but that you can legitimately get excited about and then stop and notice, celebrate your achievements along the way.  It will make all the difference if you celebrate as you go along.  If you just keep checking off goals and going on you could lose your motivation, even though you are making progress.  Life is about celebrating and noticing the little things along the way.  Make sure you let people who will not just understand, but will encourage you know about your achievements.  This may or may not be your closest friends and family, don’t let it get you down if your family and closest friends are not the people who fill these roles!  They are, after all the people who see you and know you better than others, so they may not be so willing to believe you can change and do all you think you can.  This is a normal thing and is also why it’s very important to find people that are going to support you on the journey you are currently on.  Your family and friends will come around eventually and after they see the changes in you.  Be prepared though, sometimes it happens that when you make a lot of personal changes and growth, you may have to make changes in who you spend a lot of your time with in order to keep going and living up to your full potential.  No one said the journey would be easy, just that it would be worth it.  So don’t give up on a dream that matters to you, no matter your circumstance, environment, age or status, you can do it and will find a way if you want it bad enough. 

 Okay, that’s my spiel on positive thinking and good attitudes.  Starting with, we are all human and in the same boat and ending with, maybe you need to switch boats, but if you find the niche that makes you happy and are true to yourself then the positive thinking and good attitude take no conscious effort, it will just come naturally.

 Cherry Coley ©