A New Beginning

IMG_0100Here, at the end of 2014, there is a chance to begin again.  We make our own decisions, create our own opportunities, and our own obstacles.  We decide whether to begin again, or to keep going down the same path and in the same direction.  Sometimes a break, a time to stop and get our bearings is necessary.  A time to reflect and sort through the events and actions that brought us to the place we are now.  Taking a break, a time of reflection, is beneficial and important to assess the situation before deciding which way to proceed.  Just don’t take too long a break or you will find yourself becoming complacent and settling for less than you want or intend.

Major life changes such as losing a loved one, losing a job, ending a relationship, changing residence, or making a career change can leave us feeling lost and uncertain.  It is at those moments it’s important to remember the things we’ve already come through.  Life offers a variety of challenges along the way.  Our ability to navigate and survive is directly related to our perspective, our attitude, our wits, and our faith.   However, we are not meant to survive this world alone.  We were designed to socialize and interact with others.  Choosing our friends wisely is important.

Why not make plans this year to get out of your comfort zone? Why not make 2015 the year you reach for more in yourself and expand your horizons?  Do something you’ve never tried before, like painting, or learning to play the guitar, or learning to drive a motorcycle.  Why not extend a hand of friendship to someone new and see what happens along the way?

In just a few days we will be saying goodbye to 2014 forever.  It’s important to remember that not only does the year-end, but time passes, moments pass and they can never be regained once they are gone.  So stop rushing about and wasting precious time.  Think about your days, hours, minutes and how you are spending that time.  What can you do different this year?  What actions can you take starting now to make a difference in where you are compared to where you want to be?  Don’t settle. Don’t fumble your way through and go with the flow.  Instead make your steps and actions deliberate and take charge of your own path.  Set goals that are reasonable and attainable, then plan the steps to reach those goals and set up a time line.  Most important find a buddy to work on your goals with you.  We all need a helping hand at some point, someone to encourage us and to hold us accountable.  Reaching goals is easier with a buddy to offer a little push to keep going and to keep us from beating ourselves up if we get off track.

Let’s say goodbye to 2014 on a positive note and look forward to 2015!

Cherry Coley (c)

A New Beginning

Pic by C Coley

Pic by C Coley

 

Today Is September 13th, Friday 13th.  Even now there is still some dread, some superstition about this day.  I like Friday 13th.

This has been an interesting year for our family. I can’t think of a better day to start fresh, to start to move forward.  Why not start with the unusual?

Friday the 13th is just another day and as in the case of every other day we have the choice of how we perceive it, how we approach it, and how we spend the day.  So adjust your attitude and choose to celebrate being alive!  Make the most of your time while you can, nothing is promsed.  Life is too precious to waste worrying about superstitions.

Cherry Coley (c)

 

 

Decisions, Cross Roads, Challenges and Me

askvilleEvery now and then I find myself at a crossroad in life.  A time and place where you know you need to choose a direction, make a decision and that the choice you make will affect the rest of your life. 

I’ve sat at this crossroad wondering how I got there, trying to look at it objectively and thinking that once I saw the decisions I needed to make in the clear light of day, there was no debating, no wondering, no hesitation at all, the choices are simple.

You see, when I moved away from my ex husband my self-confidence was gone, my self-esteem was non-existent, and my self-worth was hiding in a dark corner somewhere.  The verbal and emotional abuse had taken its toll and it has taken a long time to get back to…me.

So, after going through a very rough holiday season where I spent a lot of time alone, grieving and generally feeling sorry for myself, I suddenly realized that I was choosing to feel alone, choosing to grieve, choosing to feel sorry for myself.  I had to stop and think about that awhile.  What else have I been choosing either by doing nothing, trying to ignore things, or just not dealing with things I knew I needed to own up too?

The answers have astounded.  How did I find them?  By truly looking at where I was and thinking about how I want to be remembered when I’m gone.  If I were to die 3 years from now, what would the people in my life say about me?  I didn’t like the answers my mind came up with.  I have a lot of work to do.  There’s nothing like visualization to get your goals clearly back in focus. 

One thing I’ve learned is that it takes far more energy to sit down and put up with things, force yourself to accept things, and look the other way, than it does to stand up, take responsibility, own up to your mistakes and take charge of your life. 

When you find yourself feeling bored, unhappy, depressed, or just down, ask yourself why?  Are you choosing to feel that way?  Or are there things you are allowing to go on in your life that are not in sync with who you are and what you believe as a person?  Either way you have choices, you have options and possibilities.  Stand up and take action!  It will change your perspective and your life.

Cherry Coley (c)

A New Day!

100_5469I was feeling a bit down today.  The weather was a bit gloomy, hazy, wet outside, and it was just one of those days.  At least that’s what I told myself this morning.  Then I wondered why.

 Why was I just accepting that I was having a “blue” day?  Was it disappointment over something? Did I not like how someone was treating me? Was it the weather? Am I not happy about where I am or things that are going on in my life right now? What?

 Does any of that matter? The answer is no, if you are living life from a proactive perspective instead of a reactive perspective none of the above makes any difference at all. 

 Being in a proactive mindset means that I CHOOSE how I feel in the morning.  I get to choose my attitude, perspective and my approach to everything that comes into my life each day.  That’s an enormous amount of personal power if you think about it.  Does it mean if I have a car wreck in the morning I won’t react and be upset?  Not necessarily, but it is still my choice to BE upset.

 Freedom comes in knowing that you can choose how you feel about any given circumstance, event, or situation at any given time.  So think about this, if you feel unappreciated, you feel jealousy, you feel taken for granted, or you feel unloved, why not take a moment – stop and ask yourself: are these feelings and is this behavior contributing to my health and happiness? What am I getting from feeling this way? It definitely doesn’t make you feel good.  So why choose to feel that way?

 Today make the choice to take a good look at how you are responding to things in your life.  Are you being proactive and choosing how you will feel and your attitude? Are you looking for the opportunities in any given situation? Or are you living in response to things that are going on?

 When we live in response we are living with our feelings hanging out there in the open.  Emotions unchecked can cloud judgment. Clouded judgment will keep you from seeing the opportunities and choices available to you.  How many times have you felt unappreciated or unloved, had things spiral into arguments or upset, only to find out later it was a misunderstanding?

 If you’re feeling down, like I was, stop to take a moment to appreciate your blessing and the good things in your life.  When you get in the attitude of being grateful it gets harder to feel down and stay that way.  Thank God for another day, I did, then I felt much better.

Cherry Coley (c)

Be Accountable!

Today I am thankful for accountability.  Accountability plays a big part in our lives.  It’s a wonderful thing to have people who are accountable for their own choices and actions in life.  Those are the people who are not the one’s causing drama, pointing fingers, blaming others, and whining constantly because things aren’t the way they planned.

Being an accountable person means taking responsibility for your choices, decisions, actions, thoughts, and words among other things.  We need more people who hold themselves accountable and live up to a higher standard.

I am thankful to finally realize what being accountable means and to be able to study and grow as a person.  Life is so much more than having a positive attitude, or spouting a bunch of inspirational quotes.  Becoming accountable is taking responsibility for yourself and your life and it’s a journey that changes and grows over time. 

 Life is much for enjoyable and fulfilling when you are in charge of your own decisions and own up to your own mistakes. 

 Cherry Coley ©

The Choice is Yours!

Today I am thankful for choices.  I love the fact that we have so many choices each day, starting with our attitude.  We can choose to be happy, choose how we approach the day ahead and choose the direction our day will go. 

 Even if you have a day when everything seems to fall apart, you keep making mistakes, or other people get on your nerves, you still have the ability to choose how you will respond.

 Choices are among the most important things we have available to us.  Our choices will lead to decisions that over time will show others who we are and what we stand for.

 Today celebrate your ability to make choices.  There is always hope when there are choices to be made and there are always choices to be made.  Today choose to have a cheery attitude, choose to share your time with others, choose to make a difference, choose.

 Cherry Coley ©

Thinking Out Loud

You can’t control all the events in your life, that is a given fact.  You can control your reaction, your thoughts, your actions.  You can keep your mind open so you notice opportunities along the way.  You can take advantage of the resources that are available to you at any given time.  You can also reach out to others and find that there are those that will help you along the way.

Life is full of change, storms, mountains, valleys, sunlight and darkness, it’s just the way it is.  How you handle things is a choice.  At any given moment in the middle of joy, or crisis, there are choices to be made.  Don’t let your emotions get in the way of good judgement, take a break, take the time and choose wisely.

Cherry Coley (c)

Life is about Choices

Life is about choices.  Oh, I know we’ve all heard that before and we all know it’s true; the question is how true is it?

I have had to battle the demons from my past the last few days.  Those memories that haunt and an attitude that wants to settle around me like a dark cloud and seep into my skin to become a part of me again. 

A close friend of mine told me that I should stop writing positive drivel and write about a lot of the crap that I’ve experienced along the way.  I told him that no one would believe all the stuff I’ve been through, not that it didn’t happen, but that there is so much of it.  Truly, most people experience one or two major mishaps in life if they are unlucky enough, but I’ve had so many that even I sit and shake my head in wonder at why I am still here at times.

He also told me that I have a great talent for description and that if I have something to say then just say it.  Well, okay, but I will do it my way, not yours. 

For the last few days and especially last night, the darkness tried really hard to reassert its self and last night I went to bed feeling like I was losing the battle, that I had failed and should just write everything that happened, reliving it all in vivid detail as I did.  I had nightmares all night.

The thing is, while I was experiencing living with an abusive, narcissistic, sociopath and that was after being in a rather odd relationship with another one previously, I had become a ghost like reflection of who I once was.  In those years I was just a shell of a person functioning on the outside, putting up a good front so that things would seem normal to those who looked on. 

I still had a positive attitude even then, though I struggled with it and it was only surface deep.  I still believed in better days and that the sun would shine.  

In talking to my friend something defensive in me woke up.  It wasn’t a whimpering, sad shadow either.  He kept asking me how I could be so positive after so much.  My unwavering answer is because NO ONE CONTROLS ME!  No one controls my attitude and my outlook except ME! 

Whatever the world and life throws your way, you CAN come out stronger, better, but it’s a choice.  You have the power to CHOOSE how you apply the events and mishaps in your life.  You can learn from them and become stronger, or you can let them take you down, dwelling on them, feeling anger, revenge, helplessness, and relive them over and over.  I choose to learn, to get up and to keep going.  I choose to believe there’s more that life has to teach and offer.

I don’t just think the sun will shine again and that better days will eventually be here….I KNOW. 

For me, it’s no longer faith as much as it’s experience.  When you’re up against that cliff and there’s nothing to do but to step off the ledge, you can be sure that God is going to catch you, or teach you to fly.  The thing is that in order to go forward, you do have to move, faith is grown by action, not waiting and life is about choices.

Cherry Coley (c)