Change and Wishes

Being in such a state of change and self-reflection this year has proven to be a challenging, heartbreaking, sometimes tormenting, and sometimes joyful, happy, amazing experience.  The roller coaster of emotions brought on by great change can seem like too much to bear at times.  Yet the times like this – depending on how we choose to respond – can offer the most personal growth.

In the process I have had to seek and out and remove some words and thought patterns from my vocabulary that have been getting in my way of either seeing things clearly or creating obstacles that turn into excuses.  Some of the words and phrases are:

  • It’s always been done that way
  • I’m nervous/scared
  • It’s going to take too long
  • It’s too hard
  • What will my family / friends think?
  • I can’t afford it
  • It’s risky
  • I don’t deserve it
  • It’s not my nature
  • I’m too busy
  • No one will help me

 I have been going through and creating affirmations to ward off each of those excuses, steadfastly cutting them out of my life and silencing them as they come up to block me from moving forward.  The one that I came up against this last weekend caught me off guard.  I honestly didn’t realize how much I was saying it and how much energy I was spending on basically, nothing.  The words I have to push away now are “I wish.” 

 I find myself saying things to people like – “I wish you were here,”  “I wish we could go to….”  “I wish we had more time together,” too much wishing.  It has now bled into other areas for other reasons such as: “I wish I could get my car painted,”  “I wish the backdoor would lock better,”  “I wish I could travel to Ireland,” or “I wish I could go spend some time with my long distance friends.” 

I just realized how truly ridiculous it all sounds.  Seriously?  What am I doing wishing so much?  Life isn’t about “wishing” – life is about “living.”  If you spend all your time and energy wishing for things you, aren’t living in the present and making things happen. 

It’s interesting what we wind up seeing as our limits and how we create excuses to justify staying stuck and keeping those limits in place.  The truth is that the limits you are living with – you have created yourself.  The person keeping you from reaching your goals and fulfilling your dreams is you. 

Do some soul searching, find the things that inner voice uses to keep you in that limited frame of mind, realize that the inner voice – is you and you can learn to silence it or reprogram it to move forward instead of staying stuck.  Even more important, if you find yourself constantly wishing for things to happen, realize that you have the ability to make them happen, but you have to first realize where you are and why, then take the steps to move forward.  It’s time to stop wishing and start living.

Cherry Coley ©

Random Ramblings and Pet Peeves

Comet watching TV

I love watching commercials sometimes, they can be very entertaining or informative depending on the product and how it is being marketed.  I confess that a few commercials out there  are grating on my nerves, meaning I can’t stand them.    

 I won’t name any product names, but these commercials just bother me because of how they are promoting things.  The first is with a mother and her son shopping at a store and he says, “Mom can I have a snack?”  The mom goes about her business shopping while the kid is running beside the basket and riding on the basket all through the store saying, “pleeeeeaaaaaseeeee.”  The camera shows other customers and the checkers at the registers looking around to see who is making the noise.  Finally, instead of answering, the mom grabs the product off the shelf and hands it to the kid, he says “thanks, mom,” and runs off as she smiles. 

 SERIOUSLY?  I find this commercial annoying.  Mostly because it shows a mom giving in to unacceptable behavior and actually rewarding it with a smile!  Gee, “thanks, Mom,” you’re creating yet another entitled kid that will think that it’s fine to whine and be annoying to get what he wants. 


The other commercials that drive me nuts are the ones where the mom is talking at her daughter and tells her that she knows she should be talking to her about online etiquette and texting.  The mom stands there talking while the daughter looks at her with a blank expression on her face.  The mom laughs and says “we’re going to laugh and carry on like we are having the best time, then we’re going to wait until your father comes home.”  I believe there are two different versions of this commercial.

 I am appalled.  Those commercials do not entertain or amuse me, they make me want to shake the mom and say, “wake up and take an interest in your kids life!”  I turned in disgust and asked my teenagers if that was even remotely true, do any of their friends have parents that act that way?  To my horror both shook their head yes.  I think I sat with my mouth open for a while pondering that one.  It really shocked me, I had to ask them twice if they were kidding.

 I just don’t understand what could be so hard to talk to your kids about.  Perhaps I am odd, but I started talking to my kids about drugs and sex (age appropriate) very young.  I worked in a daycare and I knew that if you don’t tell them, the other kids will and the information they receive will be scattered and wrong, so my approach has been to tell them first and if they had questions – no matter what it was about – I would answer and if I didn’t know, then we would look it up.  This taught them early on to not follow the crowd, but stop, think about what’s being said, check it out and see if it’s true, then decide based on facts not “say so.”

 The world is a dangerous and harsh place and though I do believe 100% that childhood should be protected and treasured, I also knew that I didn’t want my kids to go out into the world as innocent and naïve as I was.  My hope is that they will be better prepared to face the future, better informed, to stand firm against peer pressure – not because of just faith or belief, but with facts to hold on to as well, and to make better decisions to live a healthier, fulfilling and prosperous life.

 Don’t be afraid to talk to your children about anything.  They are YOUR children and if you don’t talk to them someone else will, that person may not share your values or beliefs.  So if each of us makes our decisions based on our experience, what we know to be true and our support systems, how can one expect their children to make informed and intelligent choices without the information and support they need to do so?

 Cherry Coley ©

Mood Swing Alert!

photo by cc

Our moods are one of the most contagious things on the planet, and one of the things that is easy to learn to control.  Have you ever had a morning when you woke up in a bad mood?  Or there are those days when things just feel a bit off and nothing seems to go right?  Those days happen to all of us at some point, but no matter the cause, we have a choice on how to respond, whether to give in to the mood and the off-ness of the day, or to choose to be happy, content, or just go with it and believe it will get better.

 Sometimes the day will start fine for one family member, and go wrong for another, leading to arguments, words that shouldn’t be spoken, hard feelings, and bad tempers, all because in a moment of time that person chose to share and inflict their bad mood on everyone else.  If the mood is not reigned in it can ruin everyone’s day and leave those that were there feeling sad or beaten up and trying to “fix” their attitude for the rest of the day.  I hate it when this happens; it often leaves me feeling mellow and a bit reflective.

 On days when this happens it sometimes seems the weather starts to reflect my mood.  A day that was slated to be sunny turns a bit hazy or drizzly instead.  There were some days last week where it was sunny outside, but I felt like it was raining inside because I was feeling a bit blue.

 With so many people telling us thoughts are things, and the law of attraction states that you reap what you sow, how does that apply to moods?  It’s simple really and the effect is almost immediate.  When you are in a bad mood, even if you can’t immediately pull yourself up out of it, you still have a choice to keep it to yourself, or to inflict it on others.  Like simple acts of kindness, bad moods inflicted on others have a ripple effect that can potentially affect many others far beyond your little circle.

 It’s important to teach our children this before they start slamming doors, or throwing a tantrum, they are setting the pace for the rest of their day and possibly for the other people around them.  By choosing to be in a bad mood you are also choosing how people will treat you for the day.  It’s important that this is made clear to them while they are young because when an adult that doesn’t adjust a bad mood or bad attitude it can affect far more people and the ripple effect from that encounter can, in some cases, lead to dire situations.

 Cherry Coley (c)

Just me

This week has been a week of happiness, grief and reflection.  September the 9th was my oldest daughters birthday, but September 11th was my dad’s birthday.  So often through the years they enjoyed celebrating their birthdays today with my dad joking in earlier years that he didn’t get as many toys as Casey.

I am so thankful that my children got a chance to know and spend so much time with their grandparents.  We had our issues and our family was nowhere near perfect, but my parents took active roles in the lives of their grandchildren. 

Mom made many blankets, sewed dresses, helped with costumes, school projects and many other things.  Dad tutored both kids on math on a few occasions.  Both of them transported my kids to and from school or daycare many times.  As a single parent, I honestly don’t know how I would have made it without their help. 

Mom made sure we celebrated birthday on the day each time, and didn’t just put things off until the weekend or when it was convenient.  We might gather with the rest of the family later, but we celebrated with mom and dad on the actual birthday. 

Each year when the first day of fall rolled around, mom would gather the kids and I together to take our annual trip to Burlington Coat Factory or the mall to buy winter coats and maybe some sweaters.  This was a tradition my parents started when my brother and I were small.  Dad always made sure we all went and bought coats and new shoes for winter.  It’s a small thing, but it’s a tradition we will keep this year as well.

It’s been a real trip down memory lane this week, realizing that last year on the 11th of September, I took a Boston creme cake to my dad, we bought him a new razor, socks, a few movies, a new CD and some funny cards.  He waved his hand and said, “aw, you didn’t have to do that,” while we sang happy birthday, but smiled all the while.  I have thought a lot of that moment this last week.  I am thankful we have it to remember as it was 10 days later when dad passed away. 

Traditions, no matter how big are small play an important part in each of our lives.  Take the time to celebrate when you have the chance and if at all possible keep the dates sacred.  You never know when life will interrupt your plans, treasure each and every moment, take advantage of every opportunity, and love the people in your life.

Cherry Coley (c)

Ninteen and Hopeful

Today is my oldest daughters birthday.  Today she is nineteen years old.  It’s hard to believe how fast time goes by.  It seems like you blink a few times and they are grown.

Casey Keal

We have so many wonderful memories of childhood, even though there were various hardships and struggles along the way.  Just watching your children grow is a privilege and honor. 

Casey named every stuffed animal, Barbie, toy that could be named Lindsey, until she finally had her little sister – Lindsey.  She was determined she would have a little sister to take care of. 

Sisters fight, boss, share, play and love each other.  I love my girls, they make my life so much more complete. 

 Thank God for little girls.  Thank God for children. 






Now my oldest daughter is nineteen with so much of life in front of her.  Now her path is her choice and her dreams are something she can pursue on her own.  I am so thankful to be a part of it.  I love watching her change into an adult a little more each day.  Just as I’ve watched her little sister change into a highschool Freshman over the summer. 

If you have children or there are children in your life then you too are part of their lives and you too will influence them, their purpose, and their dreams.  We are all here to help each other.  We all have a purpose and when you invest in the youth, you are investing in the future.

Casey at graduation