Uncharted Waters

Life has been really interesting these last few months.  I never realized how much I turned to my mom and dad, asking their opinion and looking for their approval on things.  I didn’t always get their approval, in fact, I can’t really remember when the last time I gained full approval was. 

Usually there were a lot of reasons why this or that wouldn’t work, why I shouldn’t do things a certain way on and on it would go.  I have gone through half of my life with my mom’s voice in my head reprimanding me for things I hadn’t even thought all the way out yet.

Now I find myself in uncharted waters and it is liberating, intimidating, confusing and scary all at once.  Yet I think I am finally getting the hang of things now, or at least I hope I am.  I find myself more at peace the last few weeks than I have been in awhile.  Oh there are still moments when the grief strikes me and it feels like I’ve been punched again, but at least for now, there seems to be a reprieve.

I have been seriously considering what I want to do next and finding that there are a lot of options open to me in many different directions.  I love being a life coach, but am considering combining that with being a school counselor.  I like working with kids.  I love traveling and writing, and have been also considering doing some of that along the way.  Or perhaps it’s finally time to get to the real work of writing and illustrating or painting since both come fairly easy to me.

I am not sure what the future holds and whats more is I am not sure it really matters which direction it goes in.  I am ready for the changes life will bring.  I can finally see the sunlight beaming down through breaks in the storm clouds and I know that soon the day will be clear and bright again. 

I also found some of my mom’s short stories she wrote while taking a class about 20 years ago.  There are a couple I am considering working on, perhaps illustrating a bit and making into part of a book.  It would be a nice project and a good legacy, something to send to her friends and family as a way to remember and smile.

Life is okay right now, (though the unpacking fairies are lagging a bit behind).  Spring is here, the flowers are in bloom, there’s a warm breeze in the air bringing the promise of summer and fun with family and friends.  Brighter days are coming, but until then I will just ride the current of these uncharted waters and see where it takes me.

Cherry Coley ©